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Sombody once told
Queen Marie Antoinette,
"Madame, the people have no bread!" It is not widely known, but
Her Majesty had the IQ of
a fence slat. She innocently suggested that if they had no bread they eat
cake instead. This little misunderstanding precipitated the French Revolution.
The French decided they hated the idea of having a king, so they gave him a really short haircut. Then they gave one to Marie Antoinette. That was so much fun, they started giving each other really short haircuts, even while renaming all the months and inventing the decimal system. This was the period known as The Terror. |
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It is said that Robespierre was a cruel man, but other than devastating Europe and inflicting iron-fisted tyranny on France he doesn't appear to have been that bad a fellow. Oh, and the Terror probably didn't help his reputation, either. |
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After Robespierre came
down with rigor mortis, Napoleon Bonaparte
was named First Consul.
After serious discussions with those in control of the heavy artillery,
he then took the title of Emperor. People stood around scratching their heads -- those
who still had them -- and saying "What's the difference between a king
and an emperor?" Like Caesar, Napoleon was balding and combed his hair forward to conceal the fact. Cleopatra being long dead, he had to make due with Josephine as Empress. |
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Napoleon's
clock was cleaned by the
Duke of Wellington
at Waterloo. It
never ran the same after that. Napoleon abdicated and went to St Helena.
Served him right. Wellington was disliked by the British public because he would call his troops "the scum of the earth" and hang them for trifles like rape or murder or looting. Napoleon never did that stuff and people liked him a lot better. If they didn't, he had them shot. Marshal Bluecher, the commander of the German forces at Waterloo was probably clinically insane. He often had delusions he was pregnant by an elephant. At least he hoped they were delusions. |
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